I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
