Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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