Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
