Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
