The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
