Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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