I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
