My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
