Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
