So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
