I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
