Where is the hickey?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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