I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
