Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
