You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
