Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
