THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
