You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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