Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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