Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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