whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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