hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My feet surprised me
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