you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
