I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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