Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
