Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
