Redeem this text for a blowjob
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
