If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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