i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
