So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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