She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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