Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
