It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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