i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
