I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize