Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
