Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
