time to smoke my breakfast
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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