he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
