I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
