Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
