I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
