I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
