Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
