i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
