Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
