I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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