I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
