Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
