dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
