I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
