Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
