the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
