Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Congratulations! We have a period
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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