what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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