you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
